You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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