Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
