There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
