I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
