Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
