ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
