I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
