he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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