Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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