5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
