he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
bring money and cleavage
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
