well I can't set my house on fire every night
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think your dad took our porno
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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