hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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