New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
