That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
