Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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