Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
