Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
