Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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