We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
