You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
