i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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