3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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