I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
