so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
