i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
