I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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