I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I sprained my soul last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
