If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
