She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Even my vagina gasped.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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