I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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