Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
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