dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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