you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
