Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
