dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
