I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
