i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
