i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
