Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
