First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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