On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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