Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
