4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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