biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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