If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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