Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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