I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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