we're chasing vodka with high fives
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
