Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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