Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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