like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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