i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
