Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
