I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
