Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
