ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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