I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize