I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
