walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
