u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
