If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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