You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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