It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
