ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
