everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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