I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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