im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
