and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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