She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
