Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
