so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
