matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
