shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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