Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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