Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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