The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
