I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
