And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
