margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
